No Turning Back

His POV

“Do not look back!” I told myself. But I could not keep myself from turning back and see for myself if she cried even a few tears for me. For the last time, I wanted to know even if it hurts, no, I am still hoping that somehow I’ve grown into someone for her.

“Okay! Just one look. JUST ONE!” I said before turning my back and seeing the face of the woman that had rejected me for the second time. She was standing there and watching me go. Her face was void of any hint of emotion not even happiness or sarcasm. I would rather see her smirking or celebrating as I go, than see her with a blank expression. It was so infuriating to know that for two years of loving her, I have not spark any flare of emotion in her. It is like I was just a nobody - a passerby in her life.

“Why did I look back?” asking myself regretfully. I should have accepted it before. I should have never hoped because I know there was no chance. She had told me a few times. But I’m glad I now know that she meant what she said. Now, I would no longer wonder over her, no longer hoping for her love, no more what ifs and no more turning back.

Well, it hurts but I can get over her. My pride would help me get over her. And when I’m done with her, she would also mean nothing. She’ll become an acquaintance. YES, JUST AN ACQUAINTANCE!!!

Her POV

“Goodbye!” that was my last word to him as he walked away from me. I desperately hid my feelings for him because I’m not worthy of him. He deserve someone better than me.

“Please don’t look back. Please don’t!” I whispered, no, it was kind of a prayer. It was already painful to see him walk away but it would worsen if he looks back again. Because it would confirm one thing and that is he would still love me even after what I did. It’s a great feeling to know that you are love beyond anything in the world and even if you’ve been the meanest and sinful woman in the world. However, the other side of that knowledge is the feeling of fear and ashamed for myself. Fear of not being able to equal his love and ashamed because I know I don’t deserve his love.

And then I saw him turned back at me, his eyes were questioning, no, he was searching for any indication or feelings in my face but I wouldn’t let him. He is already walking away with a broken heart; I don’t want to make it worse by pretending to smile as he walks away. I neither want him to see me cry for I know if he did, he would be running back at me which is what I don’t want him to do for I would feel more guilty for pushing him away. So I have to be tough, callous of everything. No, I won’t cry, I could never hurt him again. This is already painful for him, for both of us. And so I put on a blank expression on my face and stood my ground.

When he continued to walk further away: my tears began to flow, my knees grew weak and my heart was broken into a million pieces.

“There goes the man I love. And yet why am I letting him go if I love him?” I thought.

“Because I don’t deserve him,” I answered.

“Because he deserves someone better,” I added.

As he walked, I was trying desperately to convince myself that this is the right thing to do. But somehow, I don’t feel right in doing this. Logic told me that it’s definitely right yet I feel so wrong.

A part of me wanted to scream his name and stop him but I won’t do that. Everything was done, there’s no turning back now. I have to face the consequence of my actions. I have to let him go…

“Yeah, let him go…”